Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I was curious if you have any suggestions as how to make friends on Pogo. As a newer member, I feel I have tried repeatedly to be very friendly with others in chat, but no one seems to really want to make conversation with me. I see multiple users who all seem to know each other in the room and like to follow each other to different games to play together.
Even my 92 year old grandmother has made numerous friends throughout her years of playing on Pogo. I just don’t get it! Am I in the wrong game rooms? It would be nice to have more than my gma and my mom in my friends list. :)
Needs a Helping Hand
|Dear Needs a Helping Hand,
It’s funny about friends – some people have a natural ability to befriend anyone and everyone who crosses their path. While some of us find it achingly difficult to make a meaningful connection. We’re all different.My advice is to first set your expectations to “realistic”. You may not be the type of person who has a friend in every room, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find a smaller, closer set of friends.
Where to start? How about with your 92 year old grandmother or your mom? If they have made friends on Pogo, chances are those friends would love to meet you. And while there may be a generation (or two) of differences between you all, you may find that one of her friends has a child or grandchild closer to your age who also enjoys Pogo. You might start hanging out with your grandmother or mom to start – which will likely also give you some cherished memories for your future – and see where it takes you.
If that doesn’t seem like an ideal solution, for whatever reason, then I do recommend looking into joining a league. Sometimes leagues get a bad rap, but for the most part, the folks who join leagues are fun-loving people who are very welcoming and enjoy new blood. You can do a web search for your favorite Pogo game, and add “Pogo league” to find leagues that might be out there.
I’d suggest going with a more casual and laidback type of league rather than one that’s hardcore. Some of the leagues that play card and board games are fiercely competitive, which can make it a little harder to make friends.You might also try engaging in the Pogo Forums. There are a lot of regulars who are super nice and friendly, and you really do get a great sense of how wonderful the community can be by reading through the posts. You’ll also find that we have a very opinionated community as well! But that’s half the fun, really.
Finally, I’d encourage you to continue to be friendly in chat, even if you don’t get the responses you desire. It’s good practice, first of all, and it really could lead to a conversation that eventually leads to a friendship.
Before I even sat down at my computer to work on the “Shooting The Moon” badge, I had myself some freshly brewed tea because I knew what I was in for.
I enjoy a game of Hearts here and there. I played the game growing up and I’m pretty good at it. I opened a table a started the game with the bots. Three people joined the room I opened when someone throughout the queen of spades. So I knew what they were doing. When another person asked “who’s going for it this time”. My response was “it appears to be so and so”.
Playing the game as intended, I stopped the person from shooting the moon and low and behold, you should have seen the responses I got! All three other players threw down the sad face emoticon and the one with the tongue sticking out. I was told I was not a team player, among other things. I simply stated that I was here to play the game of Hearts the way the game was intended to be played and they were more than welcome to set up a table to “help” each other get their badges.
I knew something like that would happen but at the same time I was a little surprised that everyone seemed to think no one was there to actually play and get enjoyment out of the game. After several attempts to find people willing to play Hearts failed, I had to make my room private so no one could join. And when playing against the bots, it’s much harder to “Shoot The Moon”. But, I did it. After many hours of playing, apparently I am among the few who got this badge with their knowledge of the game instead of people “helping” other people, cheating themselves out of the pride I now have.
The Few, the Proud, the Real Hearts Players
|Dear The Few, the Proud, the Real Hearts Players,
Thank you for writing! You are, indeed, a real game player.I must admit that I do find it a little irritating when people purposefully lose a game to let another win a Badge. However, to set my own expectations to “realistic”, I must say I am more understanding of those doing just that for this week’s Challenge! Shoot the moon TWICE? Oh my Earl Grey, that’s not going to be easy!
That said, I applaud you for doing it the right way, and handling that situation with such grace. You made it clear that you were interested in playing the game as it was intended to be played, and that while you’d welcome the opportunity to shoot the moon, you didn’t expect anyone to help you, nor would you help anyone else. You were playing the game the way the game is intended to be played.
I hope that your letter serves as a gentle reminder to us all that we’re here because we love games, and while getting a Badge is nice, we should be in it for the love of the game.
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I am shaking as I type this, but feel the need to address the letter posted under “Hurt Feelings Wishing the Best”. I always thought if I ever wrote to you or the Editor, I would use my Pogo screen name. I lied to myself. Due to the nature of this letter, I do not want, if you should post this letter, to get Pogo messages about what I feel the need to say.
Last year was the worst year of my life. I had numerous operations due to cancer. The most serious was brain cancer. I was given a death sentence of three months. I was sent home at the end of July to die, in great pain after a horrible surgery. As luck would have it, I fainted and I hit my head. I was rushed to a different hospital. (Yes, I do mean luck.) I was seen by a doctor who was experimenting with a way to freeze certain cancers that were hard to reach in the brain.
Long story short, I had the procedure and three months came and went and I am still here. Now, if you were able to locate most members of my family, they would not have a clue as to what is going on in my life. If you were to talk to my neighbors, they would tell you they never see me anymore and would not know I have cancer.
There are a few people in Pogo who do know. I was accused last year, by someone I trusted, of lying about my cancer. I have to tell you, her words cut me like a knife. She told people I was running a scam. After I got my feelings under control, I realized I must be the worst con artist ever put on God’s green earth. (BTW, I am more than willing to give her my medical bills to pay, if she still thinks I am lying!)
I’ve sent more gifts than I care to think about. Between M-n-M badges, Limited Edition badges, Premium Badge Albums, Mini Mall Gem items, paying for others memberships and EA game cards, I’ve spent a small fortune. I give these gifts to bring joy to the people on my friends list, sometimes to a complete stranger for kind words in a game, and to lift my spirits. I do not do it for gifts in return. There have been people who have given me their wish list for Gem items.
No one has ever held a gun to my head forcing me to gift them. I am an adult and as such, it is up to me to decide whether I choose to gift or not. I have to ask myself why “Hurt Feelings Wishing the Best” would regret sending a gift. I understand she feels she was lied to, and maybe she was. What I don’t understand, gift giving is suppose to be from the heart, not by guilt. You never know if someone is telling you the truth and it doesn’t matter if you met them on Pogo or in real life. I always say, follow your heart. If it made you feel good at the time, then you did the right thing. You are the better person, “Hurt Feelings Wishing the Best”.
I truly hope that “Hurt Feelings Wishing the Best” can let go of any negative feelings she is experiencing and tries to hold onto the joy she felt at the time she sent the gifts. I do not want this bad experience to ruin her Pogo fun nor have her close her heart to others she comes across while playing on Pogo.
“My Family Hasn’t a Clue”
|Dear My Family Hasn’t a Clue,
Thanks so much for your letter and sharing your story. Wow… it just goes to show that you never really do know what’s going on in someone’s life! You do make a salient point, and I’d like to wrap this column up with a snippet of a letter from Michelle, who also wrote regarding “Hurt Feeling’s” situation:
I do appreciate all the sweet letters of support I received this week in regards to “Hurt Feelings” and it really does remind me what a wonderful community we have.
Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
Want to chat with others about this column? Visit the Pogo Forums!